All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
