real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
