She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
