I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
