you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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