i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
