We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
