Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Randomize
