Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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