remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
