I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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