you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
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His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
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Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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