i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
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