he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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