Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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