1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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