Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
