we made out on top of his cat.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
