took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
