She's JV to your varsity
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
