That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
