this just has baby written all over it
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
