tequila makes me forget i have legs
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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