All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
you traded sex for a burrito?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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