dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
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I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize