OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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