I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
sex in a hospital.. check
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
