Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I wish there were birth control emojis
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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