Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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