If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
