TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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