This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
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