These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
