Who did Billy Mays play for?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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