Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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