He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
