we have officially lost it.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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