Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
