yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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