oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
