Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
