All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
