i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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