my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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