I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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