problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
...so i touched it.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
