Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
