Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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