i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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