just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
