Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
