You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
