Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(404): View more from Georgia

Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.

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(989): View more from Michigan

I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.

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(440): View more from Ohio

Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head

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(515): View more from Iowa

It's blow job season.

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(631): View more from New York

Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?

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(831): View more from California

Yep, you're going to hell.

(1-831): View more from California

I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other

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