Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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