Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
