i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
