Betty ford says i'm here all night
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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