Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
