if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
