Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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