we're chasing vodka with high fives
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
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