Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
