Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
