Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I have aggressive nipples.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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