All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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